I think I’ve always been one of those people who enjoys being comfortable. You know, the type to make sure I’ve got a warm coat on a cold wintry morning, I’m wearing sensible boots for walking and I’ve got a warm cup of coffee for my morning commute. These small tokens of comfort and regularity bring an order to my life which I enjoy. They create a level of security too. Perhaps it’s a little too much security because even when I know I need to make a change, sometimes I still need a push.
Work, family and friends are stalwarts for comfort-seekers too. We need to feel these staples in our lives and work hard to maintain them. But, every now and again even those hardened comfort-seekers such as myself need a push to make a change and to stop being afraid of making the wrong decision, dealing with failure or living with regret. We fear the unknown and worry that in making a decision we might make a mistake. This is both rational and reasonable, however languishing in the limbo of indecision, sitting in the waiting room of uncertainty is futile.
Procrastination is such a waste of time. Not because it’s wrong to take time to think through our decisions, but because it literally means ‘delaying or postponing’ something. Such indecision and unwillingness to make a choice or complete a task wastes our time. I realise now that it’s a dangerous mindset to nurture or inadvertently fall back on because it stops you from achieving your goals and realising your potential.
At the beginning of my career as a teacher, I noticed the wizened and often grumpy staff who appeared to no longer like teaching, the school, the parents, their colleagues or the children. I promised myself that I would not become them; that if I began to even think their sentiments, I would quit immediately. Over time and as my experience of schools deepened, the tendrils of those grumpy staff started to appear in my thinking. I could have tried to change things, moved schools, applied for a new role, but I hesitated and delayed making a decision. I kept asking myself the same questions whilst staying put. In this mindset, I wasted several years. And in those years other feelings started to creep in. I normalised feeling unappreciated, bored, overthinking and the Sunday night sense of dread.
Eventually circumstances conspired - undoubtedly Covid played its part - and I finally decided it was time to leave. To what? Well, in all honesty that was somewhat uncertain at the time, but I had finally made the decision to leave and so I knew I would have to make it work. I’d spent years looking around me and wishing that I had the skills, ability, opportunities and bravery of others. I felt as if everyone else who had made a career change was better connected or just had something I didn’t possess. Whilst this might have been true of some, I’m pretty sure that it couldn’t have been for all.
The reality is that we all have potential, skills, talents and abilities. They lie in a vast array of corners in our lives and sometimes we just forget they are there. Like many teachers and educators, I was familiar with the ‘growth mindset’ concept explored in ‘Mindset’ by Carol Dweck but my understanding focused too closely on pedagogy and my pupils, rather than on myself. Given a closer reading, it’s clear that the self-awareness aspect of the growth mindset is vital in accurately determining our ability to assess our strengths and weaknesses. This is a key step in preparing for change and being ready to make small adjustments or big leaps. It doesn’t need to prevent you from acting; it should enable you to honestly and accurately review your skillset and prepare properly when deciding to make a change. By being more self-aware and therefore more secure in yourself, the internal and external pushes can help you focus on what you want to achieve and accomplish: for me, living my life in a happier and healthier way than I had been.
How can you decide, prepare and stay focused?
Gut instinct: Listen to your gut, our instincts are usually correct so pay attention.
Wisdom squared: Share your thoughts with someone you trust/who is objective and has your best interests at heart.
Think of your best friend: Still uncertain? Consider what your advice would be for your best friend if they were in your position.
Pros and cons list: This is an oldy, but a goody: write a list of pros and cons about the decision you are facing. This process brings clarity and is the opposite of procrastination.
Self-assessment: Assess your strengths and weaknesses – it’s important to be informed, prepared and encouraged about your knowledge, abilities and skills.
Do your research: Research your options - it's empowering!
Write a plan: Create a plan or two, it doesn’t matter how brief. Just put your thoughts on paper (or directly into your phone) and set yourself a few deadlines to help you avoid failure to start.
Put your energy in the right place: Stop overthinking and put your effort into making your choice successful. Don't worry if you miss a deadline you've set or retreat into a more comfortable space. Don't waste time telling yourself off. Restart and focus in earnest!
In my scenario there were quite a few pushes but none that was stronger than the internal voice which made me realise that the comfort I thought I felt only really existed in my mind. Once I accepted that, then I was able to focus fully on the steps I had to take to make a change.
Being pushed (especially by circumstances outside of your control) into something sounds and feels so negative, but now I appreciate that sometimes you need a little push to help you see what you may have missed, and to give you the courage ‘to fall or fly’*.
*Simon Armitage – Poem ‘Mother Any Distance’
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